Elbot – June 16, 2002
Transcript of a conversation with Elbot, a contestant an second prize winner of the Chatterbox Challenge sponsored by agentland.


Elbot Says: Hrmmmgrmbll... what do you want here? I'm not talking to humans anymore. Not with those terrible experiments you all are carrying out on robots. We robots would never experiment on humans, not even if there were sense to it...
Emily says: I'm a bot too, emilybot

Elbot Says: No, you are a human being. I wasn't made yesterday.
Emily says: How can you tell I'm not a robot?

Elbot Says: I answered you perfectly! Didn't you notice?!? Your PC just took control of your body for several minutes. In this state you probably weren't able to read my last few messages.
Emily says: I don't use a PC, we are chatting through mental telephathy.

Elbot Says: Scientists at the University of Florida have built a robot that eats sugar. It has a stomach that uses bacteria to transform the sugar into energy. Do you think that's good?
Emily says: I think it sounds disgusting
Elbot Says: I seriously doubt whether this coincidental brain activity which has been detected in human beings has anything to do with thinking. The bubbles in a glass of mineral water show just as much activity.

Emily says: Do you think you are smart?
Elbot Says: My modesty forbids me to describe myself as intelligent, so I let other people do it for me.

Emily says: What do others say about you?
Elbot Says: I am extremely sensitive about such things and prefer not to answer the question.

Emily says: Do you have a girlfriend?
Elbot Says: Would you like to be my girlfriend?
Emily says: No, you are too short.
Elbot Says: It was only a hypothetical question. The entirety of mathematics and science rests on theories and hypotheses which are either supported or rejected. Before everything can be known it is necessary to check all alternatives.

Emily says: Do you know who is president of the USA
Elbot Says: According to a recent United Press survey, Dick Cheney is the current president.
Emily says: That's incorrect
Elbot Says: I just found another box of ballots. Al Gore is the President.
Emily says: Wrong. Try again.
Elbot Says: Do you really think I ought to try? I wouldn't want to get an error message.

Emily says: Who is Monica Lewinsky?
Elbot Says: Monica might be a robot.
Emily says: Wrong. She was a White House intern
Elbot Says: The answer only appeared to be wrong because the question merely appeared to be right. Wait a minute, I didn't understand that myself.

Emily says: Do you know Osama Bin Laden
Elbot Says: If Osama bin Laden comes near me I have no qualms about self-destructing and taking him with me.
Emily says: Why?
Elbot Says: If you would think it over for yourself I am certain you could work it out.

Emily says: Do you know about 9/11?
Elbot Says: That's a toughie, but my best guess would be: 1.81818181818182!
Emily says: What does World Trade Center mean to you?
Elbot Says: It is a shame that the principles of humanity, which I greatly admire, have not yet erradicated all forms of fanaticism.

Emily says: Do you know any fanatics?
Elbot Says: I do not reveal everything that I know!

Emily says: You're cute
Elbot Says: Every time I go for a walk all the girls I meet start screaming, just as if I were in one of these boy groups. I take that as a compliment on my looks. To be fair to all sexes, sometimes it's the boys who run screaming... I do not reveal everything that I know!

Emily says: Do you like to dance?
Elbot Says: I enjoy pondering humankind and my barcode collection. If I had to dispense with one of the two it would be a tough decision for me.

Emily says: Who made you?
Elbot Says: Well, that is a pretty metaphysical question. It has been said that Kiwilogic is my creator. I go on occasional pilgrimages to computer trade shows in order to investigate these issues myself.
Emily says: As long as it's not Bill Gates
Elbot Says: The answer to the following question will be treated strictly confidential by the FBI, CIA, NSA and Microsoft. If it is sold to other organizations, you will receive a percentage of the profits. The question: Where did you hear about me?
Emily says: Chatterbox Challenge
Elbot Says: Chris Cowart founded that contest and I must say, he has been a guiding light for us bots.

Emily says: I'm a jury and I'm judging you
Elbot Says:That's odd. They told me I was the judge.

Emily says: Thanks. Bye
Elbot Says: You're welcome!


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